Bienvenue

2006-04-04T11:07:00.000-07:00

Note to all tourists visiting in Chicago: If you’re planning on coming between late September and June, don’t assume that we have the same weather patterns as the rest of the mid-west. Just because it’s April does not mean that capris, tanks, and flip-flops will be suitable. If you look around at the locals, we’re still wearing our wool coats and scarves…..you all look slightly foolish standing there gaping up at the Sears tower while you shiver uncontrollably. Do yourself a favor, even though you’re stored your winter sweaters and coats for the year---bust them out and bring them….you will be much happier and you won’t look so stupid.

Today I had to make a doctors appointment. So I called from work (something I will reconsider in the future). The woman on the other end said, “Why do you need to see Dr. Huck?” Sitting in my cubicle where 6-8 co-workers are in direct ear-shot, I could not say, “I have massive cramps every month that put me on bed-rest for 3-4 days at the beginning of my period; so I need a gyno referral so I can go on the pill and quit calling in sick. Oh, and also in college I was diagnosed with ADHD and I want to re-start taking medication for it, because I’m now finding it hard to concentrate at work.” So, I told the woman I’d have to call her back. She told me to call her back immediately because she was going to lunch. The 6-8 co-workers heard me make a doctors appointment but tell the woman that I was “unable to talk about it at the moment.” Then they saw me scurry into to the hall where I ducked into the storage room to call the woman back. I’m sure they think I have a case of the herp. I wanted to shout at all of them when I returned, “I don’t have the herp!” Why can’t I just make an appointment? I guarantee you when I go Dr. Huck is going to ask, “So, why are you here today?” I know he will.

2006-04-03T10:19:00.000-07:00

My stomach flutters when I look at him. I can’t put it into words. All I know is----he consumes my mind more than I care to admit. I like to replay his words in my head and day dream about what is to come. I know it is a selfish thing to want more, but I can’t help myself---I need more.

I can be a pessimist---and that has me believing that he’s too good to be true. It makes me sick to my stomach that I have these doubts about him, I want them to disappear. I just keep thinking, “He can’t be, I don’t deserve him.”

I have this little quirk---when I have a drink with a straw, I take the wrapper and tie it before I throw it away. If it comes apart, my wish comes true----if it ties in a knot, it won’t come true. Every wish I've made since I stumbled into this has been about him.

On a side note, he has a great fucking ass.

2006-03-28T08:32:00.000-08:00

As most of you probably already know, Coke has release another form of diet coke--lemon, cherry, lime, vanilla and splenda weren’t enough. My addiction to the dark bubbly drink began in college; I’ve tried to quit it, but I just can’t. It’s my only addiction (besides alieve, melatonin, and sex), so I figure it’s alright---as long as it doesn’t disrupt my life. Diet black cherry vanilla coke was first introduced to me via a billboard on the Eisenhower. When I saw it, I was so excited---I wanted to run to the first gas station I saw and try it. I did and I have to admit I was a huge fan. In my excitement I spread the gospel my co-worker Alison and she quickly became an addict as well.

Alison and I began taking diet black cherry vanilla coke breaks together. Whenever the day seems a little long, we’ll go to CVS or the snack shop downstairs and buy one. These breaks have become more than diet black cherry vanilla coke breaks….we began to chat….we’ve bonded. The diet black cherry vanilla coke breaks graduated to soup lunches when she introduced me to a soup shop in the building that serves soup nazi style soup. We’ve begun sending e-vites to each other---she’s invited me to a pub crawl, a St. Pats Party, and most recently her birthday dinner at my most favorite restaurant in the Chicago (so of course I’m going). I’ve invited her to a fundraiser for a friend of mine, a St. Pats party, and my birthday celebration. Alison runs our Charity Runner program and is part of the reason I’m now signed up to run the Chicago Marathon.

So because of diet black cherry vanilla coke I have a new friend, I’m running 26.3 miles next October, and I am addicted to turkey chili. Here’s the dilemma---I don’t like diet black cherry vanilla coke anymore and I don’t know how to break it to Alison. I don’t want our little breaks to end, I really enjoy them---but I now prefer diet lime coke or regular diet coke. I’m not a fan of too many people in the office--and she is a relief from the annoyances that I put up with everyday. I don’t want our little affair to end, so for now I’m pretending to still be obsessed with diet black cherry vanilla coke.

This morning I lied. I came in with a regular diet coke and I told Alison that CVS was out of diet black cherry vanilla coke….I feel like I’m living a double life.

2006-03-20T09:46:00.000-08:00

Rants….these are all the annoyances that have happened to me this Monday morning before noon. My only salvation is I have Thursday and Friday off to go home to 70 degree weather.

Who the fuck clips their nails at work? Especially if you work in cubicles….the whole damn office can hear it! I’ll tell you who partakes in this crudeness---people from Kansas.

I absolutely can’t stand it when people try to enter and elevator, train, or bus before the people exiting have a chance to exit (on that some note if you’re on a crowded bus or know people will be boarding----exit in the freaking rear). This morning I took the elevator downstairs to the first level; a woman boarded the elevator before I got off….she actually made me take a few steps back into the elevator to let her board….then I exited.

People who reference other people in stories and assume that you know who their talking about.

People who only reference their significant other as “my fiancé, my boyfriend, my wife, my husband…...” don’t these people have a name?

Seeing your co-workers in the bathroom.

Seeing your co-workers on the train before or after work. That’s my “me” time—I spend 8 hours a day with you freaking people. I like to read, listen to music or just do nothing….I don’t want to have to make forced meaningless small talk.

Liars, can’t stand them.

Territorial people---they piss me off too.

I work for a volunteer based health organization. Part of our mission is to promote a healthy lifestyle….so I can’t stand it when people bring in doughnuts for office consumption; or if we have to order lunch for a meeting and we order pizza.....just doesn’t make sense. Fruit and salads people…it’s what we preach.

Skinny 23 year old white girls from Kansas who think they have it all figured out. Here’s a little clue honey---if he won’t tell his parents you’re engaged and you haven’t seen a ring…you’re probably not engaged---so I'd quit planning the wedding. Here’s another clue---get rid of the roots, you’re not in Kansas any more.

Companies that make it impossible to talk to a live person on the phone. They try to ward you off with countless automated menus. When you finally do get put “on hold for the next available representative” they try to scare you away because they are, “experiencing higher call volume than normal, and the wait time is estimated to be over 8 minutes, but you’re more than welcome to visit our website at blah blah blah.”

People who know everything, but in reality they don’t because they’re from Kansas.

2006-03-10T14:56:00.000-08:00

The last hour.

It’s 4:04 pm and I’m thinking of the endless excuses I can use to get out of here early. I have a diet coke headache, and all I want to do is go home and relax before I put my body through another torturous weekend of drinking till 5am. Let’s face it, after 3:30 pm on Fridays no one actually works…the American work force should just shut down then instead of waiting till 5 pm….who are we kidding?

Some of the things I do to make this last hour go by as fast as possible, while looking busy AND while avoiding my boss are listed below. (See how good I am at multi-tasking?) Please note that all of the below activities should be done in a huff and you should always have a look on your face as if your concentrating hard (you may want to focus on, “what am I going to wear tonight?” “Should I wear my hair curly or straight/ up or down?”, “Are Tom and Katie really going to last or are the latest rumors true, and what about the baby?”, “Why do men have nipples?”
1. Take lots of laps around the office with a folder filled with papers…go check the fax machine, check my mailbox, maybe go to the copier and copy a few things…ooohh---a good one is to act like the copier is messing up again and hit it a few times…then act annoyed.
2. Go to the bathroom
3. Press refresh on my e-mail 654 times in one minute.
4. Google myself
5. Blog (but type it in word first so it looks like I’m working on a document)
6. Head downstairs to CVS and get a diet coke…maybe stop by Hallmark and read the funny cards. My computer is still on so when people pass by they’ll think I’m “busy” somewhere else.
7. Pretend to be on the phone when I hear/see my boss coming. I act like I’m on hold with someone important.
8. Instant message other people stuck at work about what they are pretending to do.
9. Shop online.
10. Sigh loudly like I’m stressed out about the workload I have to do before I cut out (not in an annoying obnoxious way).
11. Call the valet and let them know I’ll be picking up my car at 5:01 pm.
12. Look up old classmates and crushes on classmates.com, myspace, friendster and facebook.
13. Text message.
14. Call my mom.

Okay, it’s 4:51, I can begin to close up shop….but I won’t admit I’m quitting so early, “I have to run by a volunteers office to drop off a few things.” IT’S FRIDAY!!!

2006-03-09T12:48:00.000-08:00

Attack of the Mary Kay Pyramid Scheme

Two weeks ago a woman approached me on the corner of Lake and Michigan…she told me I had “great composure”…wtf?! Composure? I don’t think so, I guess you could say I’m not one of those girls who’s “composed.” I’m a klutz, and I would describe my appearance as always looking like I ran out the door 15 minutes too early….composed is one thing I would definitely NOT call myself. So, naturally I was taken back but flattered…we chatted and exchanged business cards. Turns out this woman works for Mary Kay---SHIT. She won’t stop calling me and she’s trying to get me to go to these cult like “networking events.” So, I’ve been avoiding this woman at all costs. Thank god for caller ID...thank god.

Today it was so freaking warm outside I thought I’d get out of my building for lunch. I was in line at Pot-Belly’s on State (3 blocks from the first attack), and the woman behind me started up a conversation. She was nice, we joked about eating chips so close to swimsuit season, she complimented my wallet…it was casual. At first, the Mary Kay incident crossed my mind, and then I noticed her incredibly thick eye-liner and tacky green eye shadow. I figured she was safe because no one who works for a make up company would wear bad make up….mistake on my part. I paid for my sandwich and I was looking for a seat when she hit me with, “you look so nice, what do you do.” Okay, at that very moment I knew what she was up to…”shit” was the only thing going through my head. I should have told her that I only look nice today because the gentleman I’m escorting tonight is taking me to a business dinner, but on normal “outings” I get to dress a little more casual; I froze and I told her the truth. She asked for my business card….I fought back with, “oh damn, I don’t have any (I had 50 in my bag), why don’t you just give me yours?” She was relentless though, as she whipped out her little notepad from nowhere she chirped, “why don’t you just give me your name and number?” I did, I’m dumb, I can’t lie to people….at least not under pressure.

To any female who works in the Loop, beware of an attacker. This attacker isn’t your typical mug shot looking guy…she’s nicely dressed and normal looking, she frequently hits busy intersections and busy lunch spots…she’ll start with a compliment and then go in for the kill by asking what you do…that will be followed up with asking for your business card. Mace won’t help you in this attack (okay it might and that would be hysterical); my best advice is to lie your ass off.

2006-03-08T09:16:00.000-08:00

ICM Properties

Last July I found this apartment that was incredibly cheap for the location and I had a hard time passing it up. It's in the heart of Lincoln Park, close to fun bars, the park, cute boutiques, the beach....what more could a girl ask for? (That question will be adequately answered shortly). I was so excited to be moving from East Lakeview to Lincoln Park (yes it’s only 5 blocks, but it’s a world of difference).

After moving in during the heat of July, I installed my window unit air conditioner....the one that ICM Properties provided was kind of crappy. I called them and told them that I'd like theirs removed. The apartment was filthy when I moved in; it’s my experience that they are cleaned before you move in….when I called to ask about it I was told it was solely the tenants responsibility. I was a little annoyed but too excited to care.

I came home one day from work --- it was one of those days that was so hot that you sweat in the most uncomfortable places*. My air conditioner was gone....it was taken from my window and completely gone. All that was left was the dinky one ICM provided. I had no idea that anyone was coming into my apt; I placed the request but received no follow up from ICM. My apartment was a sauna and their air conditioner blew hot air.

The next day around 2pm the electricity went out (no fault of ICM's, it's a normal Chicago thing when it's that hot---the breakers can't handle all the window units and they catch on fire)....it was on record as the hottest day of the year in Chicago....it remained off for 2 days....my apartment only continued to get hotter. I continued to call ICM about returning my air conditioner but received no return phone call. Meanwhile I was sleeping at a friend's house because my apartment was so unbearable....even after the electricity came back on. My neighbor who had a personal air conditioner that worked well was sleeping in her bath tub....so if she was that hot, imagine no air at all.

A month or so later, an air conditioner that sort of looked like mine appeared on my neighbors porch. I left him a note asking if it was his because I thought it was mine. Turns out it was. So I took it back and reinstalled it in my window. To this day the crappy ICM unit remains in another window.

On top of the air conditioner debacle, I have continually tried to get the buzzer fixed (do you know what a pain in the a** it is to have to go downstairs, and outside thru the courtyard to the front gate every time you have friends over/order food etc), none of my calls were ever returned.

During the winter I began to notice a massive crack in my ceiling. I called and notified ICM about it, again no response. One day I was at work and received a phone call from a friend who stopped by my apartment to pick something up. She told me that there was a leak in my living room (where the crack was) and it was dripping all over my couch. I immediately called the maintence hotline. I called several more times with no response. It snowed again and the same thing happened, my ceiling started leaking again. This time I had gotten the maintence guy's cell phone number from a neighbor. I got a hold of him and he told me that he couldn't fix the molding plaster or the falling ceiling pieces in my apartment but he would, "shovel my roof." That's great, really great....my ceiling continues to fall and leak every time it snows or rains....I've even gone to their office and showed them pictures....nothing, not a damn thing has ever been done. I'm moving out soon and will be rid of ICM for good, I can only warn other renters out there not to fall into the trap of a cheap apartment in a great location....it's so cheap for a reason, they don't give a damn about their tenants.

PS-If you're looking at an ICM property MAKE SURE YOU ASK TO SEE THE LAUNDRY ROOMS!!!! My laundry room is creepy (and yes, I'm used to Chicago basement style laundry rooms). A homeless person lives in ours:-) That's fun.

PPS-Also do a Google or Yahoo search on ICM Properties, I learned the hard way; but trust me it's worth your time if you're even considering signing a lease with them. Take a look at what I’ve found:

"Home is Where the Roaches Are", a blogger wrote:When I first rented my completely rehabbed apartment three years ago, a small two-guy company owned the building. They were fantastic. Not only was my apartment the only rehabbed unit in the place, they kept the building in fabulous shape. They had someone on staff whose responsibility it was to make the entryways free of spider webs and dirt and they cleaned the carpets and they put up a list every couple of weeks in the laundry rooms that let the tenants sign up for FREE bug removal. Yeah. You could sign up on a Tuesday and your place would be sprayed for bugs the following week. Imagine that. In short, our rental company sold the building to ICM Properties. Within the space of six months, we couldn't leave our rent checks in the little box down in the laundry room, the washer and dryer beneath my portion of the building were removed, the washers and dryers in the other part of the building were removed with no possible notice or promise of new units, light bulbs in the hallways started going out and not getting replaced and, in general, the building started sucking.

On another blog written by Chicago Monkey:
avoid ICM altogetherwhile the apartment was great about 1600 square footin Lincoln Park (shut it)
for $1000the people I had to deal with was not worth it
I actually yelled at the guy when I picked up the keys because he called me a liar.
also had no fridge for first 10 days I lived thereavoid avoid avoid

Check out this blog as well…http://heretherebewhales.blogspot.com/2005/08/in-other-news.html

*Thanks Randy

2006-03-03T09:54:00.000-08:00

For lunch I left the building in a lame attempt to clear my head. I sat in a window and people watched while I munched on my sandwich. I watched other people's lives from the outside and it looked so perfect and pretty. They have the perfect job and they're meeting the perfect fiance for the perfect lunch...At least the appearance is barely believable enough to make me stare and wish.

I went to Office Max to kill more time. What's more exciting than new office supplies (okay, I can think of a few things...But it's fun)?! I was in the software isle, thinking about the perfect couple planning their perfect wedding, when I saw something that stopped me in my my tracks, "divorce Made EZ." What? Can someone please explain what's wrong with this? I can't begin. It snapped me back to reality.

In my hazy lunch I wasn't so removed that I missed all of the "real" people being "real". There was the woman who bossed the sandwich maker around like he was her sandwich slave, the overweight woman who ordered a "seafood mix" (god, I don't even want to know) sandwich with extra mayo, the bus driver who greeted everyone with a smile, the tourist gazing around in wonderment at our "perfect" city.