The last hour.


It’s 4:04 pm and I’m thinking of the endless excuses I can use to get out of here early. I have a diet coke headache, and all I want to do is go home and relax before I put my body through another torturous weekend of drinking till 5am. Let’s face it, after 3:30 pm on Fridays no one actually works…the American work force should just shut down then instead of waiting till 5 pm….who are we kidding?

Some of the things I do to make this last hour go by as fast as possible, while looking busy AND while avoiding my boss are listed below. (See how good I am at multi-tasking?) Please note that all of the below activities should be done in a huff and you should always have a look on your face as if your concentrating hard (you may want to focus on, “what am I going to wear tonight?” “Should I wear my hair curly or straight/ up or down?”, “Are Tom and Katie really going to last or are the latest rumors true, and what about the baby?”, “Why do men have nipples?”
1. Take lots of laps around the office with a folder filled with papers…go check the fax machine, check my mailbox, maybe go to the copier and copy a few things…ooohh---a good one is to act like the copier is messing up again and hit it a few times…then act annoyed.
2. Go to the bathroom
3. Press refresh on my e-mail 654 times in one minute.
4. Google myself
5. Blog (but type it in word first so it looks like I’m working on a document)
6. Head downstairs to CVS and get a diet coke…maybe stop by Hallmark and read the funny cards. My computer is still on so when people pass by they’ll think I’m “busy” somewhere else.
7. Pretend to be on the phone when I hear/see my boss coming. I act like I’m on hold with someone important.
8. Instant message other people stuck at work about what they are pretending to do.
9. Shop online.
10. Sigh loudly like I’m stressed out about the workload I have to do before I cut out (not in an annoying obnoxious way).
11. Call the valet and let them know I’ll be picking up my car at 5:01 pm.
12. Look up old classmates and crushes on classmates.com, myspace, friendster and facebook.
13. Text message.
14. Call my mom.

Okay, it’s 4:51, I can begin to close up shop….but I won’t admit I’m quitting so early, “I have to run by a volunteers office to drop off a few things.” IT’S FRIDAY!!!