Attack of the Mary Kay Pyramid Scheme

Two weeks ago a woman approached me on the corner of Lake and Michigan…she told me I had “great composure”…wtf?! Composure? I don’t think so, I guess you could say I’m not one of those girls who’s “composed.” I’m a klutz, and I would describe my appearance as always looking like I ran out the door 15 minutes too early….composed is one thing I would definitely NOT call myself. So, naturally I was taken back but flattered…we chatted and exchanged business cards. Turns out this woman works for Mary Kay---SHIT. She won’t stop calling me and she’s trying to get me to go to these cult like “networking events.” So, I’ve been avoiding this woman at all costs. Thank god for caller ID...thank god.

Today it was so freaking warm outside I thought I’d get out of my building for lunch. I was in line at Pot-Belly’s on State (3 blocks from the first attack), and the woman behind me started up a conversation. She was nice, we joked about eating chips so close to swimsuit season, she complimented my wallet…it was casual. At first, the Mary Kay incident crossed my mind, and then I noticed her incredibly thick eye-liner and tacky green eye shadow. I figured she was safe because no one who works for a make up company would wear bad make up….mistake on my part. I paid for my sandwich and I was looking for a seat when she hit me with, “you look so nice, what do you do.” Okay, at that very moment I knew what she was up to…”shit” was the only thing going through my head. I should have told her that I only look nice today because the gentleman I’m escorting tonight is taking me to a business dinner, but on normal “outings” I get to dress a little more casual; I froze and I told her the truth. She asked for my business card….I fought back with, “oh damn, I don’t have any (I had 50 in my bag), why don’t you just give me yours?” She was relentless though, as she whipped out her little notepad from nowhere she chirped, “why don’t you just give me your name and number?” I did, I’m dumb, I can’t lie to people….at least not under pressure.

To any female who works in the Loop, beware of an attacker. This attacker isn’t your typical mug shot looking guy…she’s nicely dressed and normal looking, she frequently hits busy intersections and busy lunch spots…she’ll start with a compliment and then go in for the kill by asking what you do…that will be followed up with asking for your business card. Mace won’t help you in this attack (okay it might and that would be hysterical); my best advice is to lie your ass off.